Finding Balance

True to my Zodiac sign, balance is where I find my peace. I felt in balance the last couple days and I started to reflect on what caused this sense of calm. What does it take for me to find peace. Andy has been away on a work trip so I planned accordingly so that I could make sure I had time for the things I needed (well, the best I could). I got exercise, play, had healthy habits, took time for both of my work endeavors, had special time with each of my kids (made pancakes for breakfast, read books, bubble baths, play, and quality dinners), and I kept the house somewhat straight. These are BIG wins!

Many days I don’t achieve all of this, most days I am heavily weighted. Too much work, not nearly enough work, no exercise, eat like crud, loss my cool with everyone. So, I wonder what makes the difference. Lately, with a ten month old especially, having enough time for much is super challenging. I realize though that creating some routines that we can get into a rhythm on is key. I struggle with consistency, this week though was the first week I had a nanny from 8:30am to 2pm for three days out of the week. WOWZA this made a HUGE difference! I have been so stressed for the past month with a lack of childcare. I am so grateful for some help, because let’s get real, when you have 3 kids under 7, you NEED help! Especially, when you are also trying to grow a business and a non profit. I have honestly been failing at both of those things lately. People are always saying, “I don’t know how you do it?!” To which I respond, “I am not doing it well, that’s how.” I want that to change, and I am down on my knees singing praise and hoping that now that I am getting some consistent help that things will get better. And yet, it comes back to balance. I don’t want too much help either because I don’t wanna miss being mama to these precious ones. Dang, the love they have been giving me lately, my heart just wants to burst.

So, I write this asking for advice, what tips do working mamas have on finding balance or maybe I should say instead…finding a rhythm?

His Annual Pilgrimage

Ah yes, it is the time of year again when my husband heads out to hike and ski deep into the Sierra. It is his refuge, his solace to retreat to the wilderness this way. They often hike miles in their ski boots through the desert to reach the snow line and then up 10-15 thousand foot peaks, then descend 10 + miles into the range (all while carrying heavy packs). They set up camp and peak bag from there. They have been doing this annual trip for 20 some odd years and aspire to do it for at least 20 more.

In the beginning, there was absolutely no contact for the week or two they would go out. Now a days they carry GPS phones and send daily text messages (a huge piece of mind). I am glad Andy does these trips. He gets grounded and reconnects with life and presence. All that said, it ain’t easy. You know if he was just going on a fishing trip or something that didn’t have an element of danger and I was able to talk to him regularly, I don’t think it would be that hard. That isn’t this reality though. I am sure many people who have partners who adventure get what I am laying down. I always feel so tense leading up to and during these trips. I worry about him, I worry about us, I worry about just things happening and being apart from one another. I go through this whole process of emotion. This time was no different. I start with denial, then I get mad, then I get worried, and then I realize I love him so damn much I can’t stand being apart or the idea of losing him, then I cry a bunch for the week he is gone.

I am proud of him and this process helps me gain so much perspective on how lucky I am and how much I love him. I think back to when we first started dating and he left for Africa for three months (I later joined him) I remember just feeling like I was physically aching while apart. You know what is cool? Ten years of marriage and about fifteen years together, I still love him that dang much! I am so freaking in love with this man. He is the greatest blessing to ever come my way. So, through the struggle comes the ability to be present and recognize the gifts.

My first post along this journey!

My full heart! Camping in the Eastern Sierra!

Reflections on where we are..

So here I am starting this thing, I have been inspired by some pretty amazing mentors to write, reflect, and gain perspective. I also think this life of ours is pretty dang amazing and I think some reflection and perspective will serve me well. Maybe through this process I will inspire and connect with others along the way too. 🙂

Here we are, in the middle, or maybe the beginning. Our family is complete. We have three incredible little humans. Carson Patrick Hatch, 7, a deep, happy, spirited boy who fills me up and blows my freaking mind with his heart and our conversations daily. Evelyn Rose, 4, a crazy, amazing girl who is so passionate and filled with personality and grit the world better stand back. Then we have our sweet Ascher, 9 months old, cuddly, strong, fuzzy, and determined. How did we get this blessed?

We were just on a trip to Death Valley and while picnicking at a waterfall, immersed in just managing Ascher to not crawl into the mud and eat every pebble on the ground, this couple stopped us to say how beautiful our family was. Then they remarked how they grow so fast. They were on a trip with their kids there and it was the first trip together in so long. How they were all a family doing it all together every day and then one day their kids moved out and all the things they had wished they had time for all those years suddenly didn’t matter anymore. How they just wish they could all be together and when they are its not the same because they have a boyfriend or its for such a short time. Made me think, which I often do, we are living it right now, the best of times. Our kids are all so precious and small. I sometimes wish I could freeze time. Especially with Carson, he is big enough to have deep conversations, yet still believes in magic and loves to cuddle with his mama.

Some personal development I have been doing lately has been ringing loud and clear. “Be present, do it all with love!” So, that is what I am trying to wake up and be. I don’t know about you, but I often think about what is my purpose, how can I serve..after all “for much is given, much is expected.” As I reflect on this, this message of just being present and pouring love into all I do has been the answer that comes back to me. I find when I focus on presence, I play more with my kids, I enjoy, and connect with them, they are happier, and so am I. With work, I am trying to remember to do the same. I currently have a health and wellness business with Arbonne and am an Executive Director for an environmental non-profit called the Sierra Nevada Alliance. It is so hard some days that I feel like crumbling. I just wanna be mama, wife to my most amazing husband, and play. Other days, I need more, and I love what I do. I bounce between these two extremes. I look to my husband as my muse. He is also my primary life coach. He lives so much in the present sometimes that it drives me crazy that he isn’t more sentimental or goal oriented like myself. Alas, he is my greatest teacher and I am so in love and grateful for him. So, I don’t know about all of this, but I hope along this path of writing and reflecting I will come a little closer to landing on the mark. In the meantime, I am gonna relish these days, even the hard ones.